Things No One Tells You... About Marriage

I have said it before, let me say it again: marriage is strange entity. It is, by far, the strangest thing I have ever gotten myself into...even though many, many parts of it are wonderfully strange. Sometimes, when I think about my marriage in terms of “forever,” I still get nervous, and I don’t think that there is anything wrong with admitting that. Here are some things that no one tells you about marriage (or at least not before you actually get married.)

Marriage may not be a job, but it’s work 

Good relationships take work. (well, probably so do bad ones, too, but that is for another argument.) Mine is no exception. We have had to humble ourselves, concede points, shut up, break down, and admit things about ourselves that we would rather shove in a closet with those skeletons. But you do it because you are committed.

I think a lot of people go into marriage thinking that it is just going to work out because there is love. This is partially true, but it certainly isn’t the whole story. Being in a working relationship that is healthy means really being able to let your guard down and not worry about being right so much... I know this because I am still trying, but the work put in is totally and completely worth it.

You go to bed mad (yes, you really do)

Not everything just gets settled instantaneously, though I concede (see how great at conceding I am getting?!) that it would be nice if they did. They don’t. You will go to bed mad sometimes because people bust your chops when you live them 24/7 and sometimes it takes time to get over. You might even have a bad dream about your spouse because you went to bed mad; it ain’t purdy, but it’s the truth.

Your spouse will say something you never thought possible 

Surprised don’t just come in the fun variety. Someday your spouse will say something that infuriates you to the very core. People--couples--fight, and generally they can fight fair, but sometimes the line gets crossed. That’s all I have to say about that.


You will be challenged 

Don't think that after you get married you can just check out. The other person needs you and will be challenged to meet those needs. You never know what those needs entail--sometimes you have to challenge them to be themselves... sometimes they need a shoulder to cry on. There will be needs, and you will be challenged.


You will be loved 

When you are at your worst and you feel that you have nothing left, your spouse will (or should) be the person who shelters you against the world. We never know what awaits us in life, but our husband or wife should be the person there no matter what. I have never, ever felt the type of support that my husband has given me, and when I think of how great he has been to me, at times, I am quite overwhelmed. Sometimes you don’t quite know how you will pay it back... and then, you do. You always do.