BIW Versus Make Up Sex

Some people love the fight because the making up is soooo good. You get all riled up with your honey and it's all yelling and upset until the two of you are in a hopeless tangle in the sheets; making up for lost time with a tryst. This scenario sounds sexy for, say, a feature film. But for me, I am not sold.

I have never understood this concept of make up sex, try as I might. Nope, on the issue of make up sex I stand firmly opposed... I don’t like the concept of it at all. Why in the world would I want to have sex to make up with someone? That’s like using sex as a tool, and that I am firmly (no pun intended) against!

Having make up sex, to me, is counter intuitive as well as counter productive... for instance, if you know that at the end of the fight you are going to get to have sex, what’s the incentive to actually be nice to your partner? Doesn’t it sort of perpetuate a vicious cycle of fighting and sex? And fight and sex, and fighting and sex?

In the past, my husband has approached me after a fight and asked me if I wanted to have make up sex.... he was, in fact, trying to be funny because he knows that I will not give him “make up” sex. I always will say the same thing, " Don't do the thing that made me angry in the first place, and you won't have to make up for it. Then we can have sex." But we stand in different camps on this issue, and that's okay. He believes that his penis is a magic etch-a-stetch that can shake out whatever he did wrong, and while I think it's great, flowers would sometimes be nice.

My sex must be joyful, loving, or just downright lustful--disagreement, especially loud disagreements, are not joyful, loving or lustful. They aren't worthy of sex, that's for sure.

So ladies, or gentlemen for that matter, when your partner has done you wrong, get the sex part out of your head and concentrate on the issue at hand. Better to work on problems than your positions at a time when your feelings have been stepped on. Sure, maybe it feels good to blow off some literal steam after a fight, but actions speak louder than words in my opinion.

So the last thing I want is someone thinking that after they’ve fought with me... they can screw me too.

Bossy Italian Wife, over and out!