The Husband Parade

Is it just me, or do other married women out there feel like they are doing a lot of housework? It’s not that I mind, really. It channels my anxiety into clear tasks and afterward I feel accomplished. It’s no secret that I love the grocery store. I love when the house looks all sparkly and stuff, and when people tell me that my house looks nice, I feel I have won a small victory.

Let’s talk about hubby. I’m not knocking him at all, but there are times when I feel like I’m doing all the work; sure, he tends the pool, which I am eternally grateful for. He fixes things that I have not the patience to fuss with. The truth is, though, that those regular cleaning chores I seem more apt to do can sometimes be overlooked....

It’s clear how we enjoy a pool, right? We swim it, people comment on how clear the water is, or whatever. But how often are people like, “Wow I really ENJOY this clean shower!” Not often. And the difference between my husband’s expectation for praise and my own, well, they could not be more different.

You see, I don’t really care all that much if he doesn’t tell me he’s thankful that I vacuumed the floor or that the dishes got done; it’s implied to a certain degree, I believe. But nothing will make me more mad than when my husband tells me that he didn’t get a thank you for, say, buying dog food or something... then suddenly I remember all the other chores I did that I didn’t get a thank you for.

Now, there are a lot of times when do, in fact, thank each other for the small things. I am not saying we’re two ungrateful people who are running around thanklessly doing things for one another... It’s just that, it seems to me, he needs more thank you’s than I and more forms of external praise.

Sometimes I feel like I have to roll out the parade. The husband parade. I’ve heard other women complain about such things... how their husbands need higher amounts of praise than they do for smaller things. Sometimes I envision myself getting together my girls and rolling out an ACTUAL parade for our men...

We would go marching as they stood on the sidelines. We would have banners that say things like, “Thank you for working this week!” or “I LOVE how you schedule oil changes!” There would be the group of working women, of course, whose husbands now stay at home while they go to work that says, “Fathers who stay home are sexy” or something to that effect. And there would, of course, be the “Thanks for giving me your penis” banner, maybe even a float in the shape of a giant penis.

All of the wives would wave to their husbands, and instead of throwing candy at them, we would instead throw beers and NFL tickets to the adoring husbands. The husband parade would also need a band. Something REALLY manly but the only lyrics besides “you rock” would be “thanks a million, husbands!” Like an 80’s hair band with only positive lyrics!

Yes, there are clearly times when I wish I had said parade to tell my husband just how much I love and appreciate all the things he does around the house, in my life, and in my bed. And had I more time, I might actually organize such a feat... all I ask in return?

Maybe flowers... because I certainly don’t expect a parade.