Bossy Italian Book Review: Fifty Shades Freed

Oh. My. God.... will this book ever end? It was just....so....boring. I'm not onto spoilers so I won't tell you all the dumb things that happen in this book with wandering dramas that are practically plot incest.

The second book was bordering for me. I wasn't wowed by the sex or the story line, but by the end,  I was two books into a trilogy and I thought, for some dumb reason that I should keep on reading. I suppose I thought that something worthy of a third book would happen....like the great sex from the first book would suddenly make another appearance.

Nope. Not a chance.

It's as though somewhere between the first and third books this author thought, "I shouldn't just make this about sex, I should make a serious book!" And then she proceeded to fail epically at the task because writing, contrary to popular belief, is actually NOT the easiest thing in the world to do. UGH.

I lamented over this book review, I have to say. Because my hat was off to her sexual genius just a couple of weeks ago...and I didn't want to slam an author because, as I said, writing is hard. But let's face it, this woman is now a millionaire and will probably never read my blog, so what I am so worried about really?

If she does read my blog, this is what I want her to know: WE LIKED THE SEX! YOU DIALED IT DOWN AND WE TUNED OUT.

How do I put this another way? My husband said while I was reading this series, he got a lot of blow jobs during the first book. The second book? Less blow jobs. The third? No blow jobs. This book did not turn me on at all. Worst of all, it makes the first book seem like an accident and that is disappointing. It's like, if you are gonna go for it, sister, GO FOR IT!

If you are gonna cop out with weird, unbelievable story lines and bad, repetitive writing, then don't bother because I was so thrilled about the first book and the second was forgivable and the third was an afterthought of some weird garbled story that got more ridiculous by the syllable.

My suggestion? If you didn't like the sex in the first book, read the second book. If you liked the sex in the first book and that was your main draw, quit while you're ahead. If you are a glutton for punishment, read this series...by the third book you might be shaking your head and wondering why you did it to yourself, but at least you're going in with your eyes wide open.

One thing I can say that isn't completely negative? Every man has fifty shades... the anger, the self-doubt, the sexuality, the sweetness... at least that particular part seems somewhat accurate. The rest of it? Meh.