I Hate Your Kid's Made Up Name!

I know that I am going to offend some people here, but I just feel like it needs to be said. And I'm not trying to be mean, only realistic, I swear. I understand that every parent wants to be original and that choosing a name for their child is a big deal. Parents want their child's name to be unique and special. I get it, really. But I absolutely hate this new trend of people "making up" new that are just downright horrible.

It's like a bunch of white parents decided that their names weren't keeping up with the creativity of our black counterparts and so they tried to stack up and failed miserably. Like the time they tried to take over the Harlem Shake.

Or there is the scenario that you want to take your name and your husband's name and combine them to make a whole new name. Why? Whoever thought that was a good idea? Don't you think if it were, it would already be a name? Does it say anything more about you and your husband besides that you are self-centered and grasping at straws to feign creativity?

It. Has. Got. To. Stop. 

If I hear one more kid named something ridiculous like "Brinlee" or "Maston" or "Wyler" I'm going to screeeeeeeeeam. These aren't real names. They don't sound cool, and these little kids are going to grow up and have to live with their names in a professional world where everyone is going to have to do a double take to understand what the heck they introduced themselves as. I can just hear someone reading a resume from a "Maston Jones" while wondering if this person is, in fact, a human and not someone's dog (or as my husband said, "a pre-homosapian human species").

I'm not a teacher, but I did go to school for teaching once for about three years, and I can tell you definitively that teachers are NOT paid enough to try and decipher your creative child's name while calling role in class.

And while I am on it, can people also stop misspelling otherwise perfectly good names?! I'm not talking about exchanging a "c" for a "k," but more so parents taking it over the top and changing a sensible "Madeline" into "Madellyne." Suddenly "Emerson" is "Emersynn" and I, for the love of god, cannot understand why! It makes me wonder if parents are making these letter swaps because they really don't know how to spell their own kid's name. And when it comes time to learn basic spelling and grammar, I think they really run the risk of their kid calling them out and being like, "Did you know there is a much easier way to spell my name?"

When you are naming your children, please, think about their futures. Think about the fact that they will have to spell their names out hundreds and hundreds of times to admissions officers, bosses, bill companies and lots of other people. Think that this whole made up name thing could be a fad and that an entire generation is going to have to suffer with these "unique" names. Think about the fact that this is the name that will make their way in the world with and they may, at some point, want to be taken seriously. And it might be hard to to take a "Rylan" seriously.