Have a Bossy Italian Christmas {Fig Cookie Recipe!}

Hey everyone, and a MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. Can you tell how much my daughter LOVES Santa Claus? It may not seem like it, but this is a MAJOR improvement over last year.

It's been a little while, and I wanted to give you all a little update, along with a killer cookie recipe! We are all doing well in my home, and have been taking things a bit slower this school year. The focus has been on self and family, and I guess you could say we've been hunkering down.

You know what I noticed? I was so busy last year. Too busy. In fact, I was using busy to run from the hush that happens when you slow down and feel your emotions. A lot of us do that dull out the pain, but you know what also happens (besides it doesn't freaking work?) You dull out the joy too. And if it's one thing I LOVE it's JOY!

I have been taking my time to experience some real moments of inner quiet and joy, and it's got me back to the simple things in life that I relish. LIKE COOKING! I know...I haven't posted a recipe in a hot minute. But that doesn't mean I haven't been in my kitchen. I have! In fact, for Christmas Eve, my mom and I made ravioli together, 210 of those hand filled and rolled little suckers!

I am already drooling thinking about eating them...and if you're interested, you can find my posted ravioli recipes HERE and HERE. This time around, we filled our ravioli with meat and mushrooms. I always think of grandma when I make them because it was the last meal I ever made her, and a sweet shared memory for my mom and me.

I have also been baking a gosh-darn storm of cookies! Since sharing is caring, I wanted to share with you all a recipe for my family's fig cookies, called Cucidatis. My Uncle David is the cookie master in our family, but I am also becoming a good baker. I took the base of his recipe and tweaked it for my own purposes. I hope you enjoy it!

Fig Cookies "Cucidati" 

You will need:

Dough:

1 cup shortening 

1 1/2 cups sugar 

3 eggs 

Dash of salt

4 cups all purpose flour 

3.5 teaspoons baking powder 

1 tablespoon vanilla 

1/2 cup milk (or almond milk) 

Filling: 

9 oz (or a "heavy" cup) of fig spread or preserves 

3/4 cup raisins 

1/2 cup whole almonds

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 

3 teaspoons sugar 

water for blending 

Icing (optional) 

2 cups powdered sugar

two teaspoons of milk or water (until you reach desired consistency) 

Sprinkles 

Method: 

In a mixer, cream sugar and shortening together. Add eggs, vanilla, and salt. Add the baking powder and then half the flour, slowly, so you don't throw flour around your entire living space. Mix in the remaining flour by hand. Add the milk in and continue to mix by hand. If you find the dough unworkable, or too dry, add splashes of milk until it gets there. Place your prepared dough in the refrigerator to chill at least a couple of hours, but up to overnight. 

For filling: Using a food processor, add all of your filling ingredients (except water). Blend. Add water as needed to reach a nice consistency that is somewhat like jam. 

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. 

**I would like to note that there are any number of ways to fill your cookies. My mom remembers them as triangles, but frankly, our triangle ones came out looking loopy. I like them to look more like filled pockets. If you can't make sense of my directions for filling, just wing it!**

Prepare your cookies by dividing up your dough into four equal portions. Starting with the first portion, you are going to want to roll out the dough into a basic rectangle, making the dough thin. Place a line of fig filling in the center and then for over the dough to cover the filling. To cut the cookies, measure them one inch and then cut and place them on an uncreased cookie sheet. I think a pizza cutter or a dough scraper work perfectly for this! (Repeat with the remaining dough.) 

Bake in your preheated oven for about 15 minutes and then remove to a cooling rack. 

Once cooled, you can ice them, if desired, and top with sprinkles. Also notable, these cookies freeze really well!!! 

A Little Bit Raped

I was on a walk with a friend a few years ago and we were talking about our respective experiences with sexual assault. This is not an uncommon thing for women to do, I have learned, as we grow and try to process the way we feel about men, ourselves, sexuality, and raising children. The topic turned to recovery from sexual assault, and we began joking a bit to lighten the mood....

"I mean, you can't live in a wounded place," she said. 

"Yes." I agreed...we would all be so depressed all the time. 

I shrugged and said, "Besides, who hasn't been a little bit raped?" 

As crass as it may seem, the current "ME TOO" movement on social media clearly demonstrates that, in fact, most women have been "a little bit raped" and then some. After seeing everyone posting on Facebook, I was reluctant to post it because shame dies hard. I thought about all the people who might be surprised, or who might judge me. What if someone looks at me differently? 

But over the weekend, I attended Margaret Cho's "Fresh off the Bloat" tour, where she has a few jokes about rape and sexual assault. She kind of stops within the show and says that people say you can't joke about rape, but she disagrees. Because if it helps someone else who is out there, who maybe hasn't come to the place where they can tell anyone what has happened to them, then it's worth it to make that joke. I agree with her, and so I posted my "me too." 

Afterward, I cried a little. Because even after all the years that have passed and the healing I have done, admitting that even a strong, mostly self assured person like me has been the victim of sexual assault is hard. And I've had A LOT of therapy. But the stronger voice in me rang out because the bottom line is IT'S NOT MY FAULT. 

There is also something I wanted to say in the context of motherhood and childbirth that I wish that ANYONE would have told me before I had a child. If you've been the victim of any sort of sexual abuse, rape, or assault, then your likelihood of being re-traumatized by the birth experience is higher than other women. Women who suffer birth trauma (or feel traumatized by the experience of birth from this perspective) have higher instances of postpartum depression and anxiety. I wish very much that this was more talked about within the birth community because clearly, the statistics warrant the discussions. 

If you fall into this category, please seriously consider having a discussion with your doctor/midwife/ hospital/support staff so that they can give you the care, respect, and the communication that you need while you are giving birth. I didn't know that I needed to do that and I feel that as a result, I ended up with a wicked case of postpartum anxiety that I couldn't understand. And this is the bit where I think society misses the boat...

When something happens to a woman and her body without her consent, it doesn't just happen that one time. It creates a situation where she is more likely to be abused again, re-traumatized through circumstances, and her psychological health may suffer throughout her lifetime. I know that there are many women out there who haven't reported what happened to them, who haven't talked about it, and who function in a scared place. I want you to know it's okay to come out, and to come to a place where you realize that whatever has happened to you was NOT your fault. 

#MeToo 

Eat Down: 18 Days So Far!

This morning I decided to count on the calendar how many days our eat down had been, and I was astonished to count 18 days! It's been a great 18 days. Last night, my husband and I were saying how great of an eat down this has been. We've saved money, and time and we've been eating a lot of seasonal veggies.

Some points that have certainly helped our cause-- our own chicken eggs (we are getting almost 11 eggs per day now), and our garden. Lots of tomatoes have kept me in tomato sandwiches, tomato salads, and some great pasta dishes!

Some updates....we ran out of creamer last week, and I thought that was going to be the end of the eat down. BUT, instead, I tried making my own creamer out of coconut milk. For the record, it wasn't creamy enough for my taste. So when I went to my mom's house, I begged her out of her own creamer. Hahah. So we've been mixing that my homemade coconut creamer and that's been getting us by.

Today we may be hitting critical mass as we are down to two pieces of bread left and plan on hitting the beach tomorrow. I have no clue how we'll make sandwiches without bread! I had looked up some sandwich bread recipes and that looked promising until I tried to locate my bread pans, and couldn't find ANY of them. How does that even happen? Not sure how this will play out.

As for our list of dinners I made: we've improved a little. I made some changes, and I tried to keep up by writing them down and continuing to check them off. I think tonight I'm going to make the fried cod, but without the okra because we ate that two nights ago with venison steaks. OH! And speaking of venison steaks, I threw together a terrific marinade recipe that is so simple:

Mix together in a bowl: 
two tablespoons spicy brown mustard
1 teaspoon mayo
two garlic cloves, minced
two tablespoons brown sugar
two tablespoons olive oil
a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce

Pour the whole thing over your meat until you are ready to grill or fry. You will not be sorry. It's amazing, and we were exclaiming "YUM" the whole time we were eating!

Pickling assorted cherry tomatoes!

It's pretty likely that by tomorrow or Monday, we will be hitting the grocery and the eat down will have officially ended. But what about this list I've been keeping of our meals? Well, I will save it and reference it to make different meals for the next cycle. Then I can look back on it for inspiration in a couple of rotations. It helps me from falling into a rut with our dinners. I'm looking forward to "eating down" again this month, and keeping this going.

I feel that the whole experience has gotten me back to basics, and honestly helped me clear my mind. As a busy mom who works from home and cooks nearly all our meals, I feel that our eat down engaged my husband more with cooking and meal planning. That has been really nice. My hubby and I even pickled some veggies together last week and that lead to us sitting around the kitchen island and just catching up with one another. It's also forced me to get creative in the kitchen like I've done in the past, and that's just been great for my soul (more on this in a future blog post.)

All in all, the great eat down of 2017 has been a tremendous gift. Not obvious, but perfect. What has been an unexpected gift in your life lately?

Eat Down, Day Nine: Ooopsie

Chicken eggs FTW

Right off the bat I feel like I have to get something off my chest....we cheated. I know, BUT, hear me out. We cheated to the tune of $4.07, but I swear to god, I have a good reason. My husband and I were both stricken with some sort of viral stomach thing. And we NEEDED chicken soup and crackers, like, desperately.

But now that we are both recovered and eating solid food again, the eat down is back on track. I am sorry to report that we are about to run out of creamer, which is my achilles heel. My husband says that us running out of creamer is my fault, which is true in two ways. The first is that I thought I bought creamer, like the half gallon size. Guess what? I didn't. The humanity.

The second way in which I am guilty is my consumption. I use SO much creamer. I like my coffee a nice shade of beige. I can't help it. I know it's gross, and I don't even care.

However, given the recent stomach virus shopping slip-up, I am vowed not to go back to the grocery and I'm going to *try* to make my own nondairy creamer out of coconut milk, vanilla, and sugar. I'll keep you posted on that. Besides the creamer, we've also run out of salad lettuce (tough I have a head of iceberg), which I am pretty bummed about because there is nothing like a good salad in summer. But we've got other in-season veggies to nosh on, so.... on ward.

A point of triumph in all this: entertaining on an eat down budget. I have to say, I didn't think of the implications when I made a big playdate with my daughter's school friends. Luckily, I made pasta salad, and our chicken eggs really came in hand for deviled eggs. Our friends brought the hot dogs, so  it all came together!

We've been literally eating everything in the house in the way of leftovers and whatever else we have, so I feel pretty accomplished already. We are just now breaking into the meat that I've bought at the store, which is pretty unbelievable. Tonight, since it's rainy and gloomy, I'm going to make oven-fried chicken. Basically the homemade version of Shake n' Bake.

What are your weekend plans? Making anything good? Are you participating alongside us in the eat down? 

Eat Down, Day Six: Hitting A Stride

We are almost a week in on our eat down, and it's going really well. There is something altogether liberating about not having to go to the grocery store amiright? We cheated a little over the weekend when we went out to celebrate a friend's birthday, but other than that we have only purchased food from our local farm stand,
barring our initial grocery shop.

Sunday night, I used the last of the mixed salad greens. So we are down to only romain lettuce. That means Cesar salads from here on out! Last night, we made a great dinner that I wanted to share with all of you: ground meat kabobs with grilled veggies. They have a  bit of a Middle Eastern influence, and they were so delicious! While putting ground meat on a kabob may not be the most obvious choice, it's totally wonderful. And you can grill it. YUM!

For my kabobs, I used ground venison, which is my go-to meat. But you can use whatever ground meat you like best from turkey to chicken or beef. Here's a fun fact: the dinner we had last night, with the exception of the rice we prepared and the onions in the tomato salad, was grown right here in Sussex County--even the herbs. This was truly a locally sourced meal!

You'll notice this recipe is rather "loose" and that's because I didn't take precise measurements on this one. But this is the sort of recipe that gives you a little play. Just use your judgement with the ingredients, and use what you have on hand--it's the "eat down" way! One final note, while you can totally make these and grill them, what I like to do is make them a couple of hours ahead and then let them sit in the fridge. I have found that they cling better to the kabob sticks this way.

Ground Meat Kabobs 

Time: 20 (ish) minutes | Makes: 5 kabobs | Difficulty: Easy 

You will need: 

1 pound ground meat (your choice) 

paprika (several dashes)

2 cloves garlic, minced 

1-2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 

Fresh basil & parsley, chopped (I used several leaves of each) 

1 small egg 

salt & pepper, to taste

5 kabob skewers 

Method: 

Place all the ingredients in a medium bowl. Get in there with your hands and mix it well. 

Divide the meat into 5 even portions. One at a time, roll the portions into "hot dog" like shapes. Push the skewer through the meat, long ways. Repeat with each portion. I then like to pop mine in the fridge and let them rest until I am ready to cook them. 

Prepare your grill (or you can use a grill pan on the stove, on medium high heat.) Cook your kabobs about 15 minutes or until done, turning to cook evenly on all sides. 

I served mine with rice and in-seasons grilled veggies (eggplant, zucchini and squash). 

Eat Down, Day Three: Send Mushrooms

We are on day three of the eat down and I have already made a critical mistake...I didn't buy enough mushrooms. In my defense, when I went shopping for the eat down, I was recovering from the flu. So my mind was hazy. And frankly, when I bought the original mushrooms, which we ate last night, they weren't really on the list, so in a way I cheated. Well, I thought I cheated, but really I should have bought more.

To review...

We started night one with a beer can chicken. And then last night we had leftover chicken ramen bowls, which were awesome. Now, was it essential to put mushrooms in the ramen? Probably not. But they happen to be a favorite of my daughter's, so I did it. I did it, knowing full well that I would be making boeuf bourguignon sometime soon. Turned out, sooner than I thought, which was today.

So, last night my husband says, "Hey what's for dinner tomorrow?" The beauty of this system is that there is a big, wonderful list posted on the fridge of our meal options. So I said, "Pick! Your choice." I figured he would pick flatbread, which is what we generally have on Fridays...get it? "Flatbread Friday." But no. Bourgignon.

How this dish came to be on our menu at all (in the middle of the summer, no less!) is because our friends were over last week and left a bottle of wine. Now, in years past, I would have guzzled that wine like it was gatorade, but those days are, I am sorry to say, behind me. My digestive system, in a strange series of events, has turned on me... no wine. No dairy. Very little ability to process spicy food. Let's keep this between us, though, okay, I don't want the "Italian-American" police to come revoke my card.

Long story short: I can't drink the wine, but I can cook with it. This is one of my go-to recipes because it's terrific, and I ALWAYS have great cuts of venison to use in place of the beef. I practically always have all the ingredients on hand. All except--you guessed it--the mushrooms. My husband said, "Oh don't worry, I can go to the store and just buy some." Nope. Nope. That's not how this works. I told him, either a farm stand or beg someone to bring us mushrooms. Well, I guess we decided to reserve our begging to when our need was more dire....

So, as I type this, it's simmering away in my oven, smelling all kinds of crazy good, only without mushrooms. I added extra carrots, and lots and lots of pearl onions. I bought them in the frozen section, which I think has to be the best ever way to buy them because there is so little prep involved.

As for the rest of the eat down, well, I have to say that so far we are good shape. My mom brought me some wonton soup and a couple of other Chinese dishes, so this should help up our game. And tomorrow we are *kind of* cheating because we are going out to celebrate a friend's birthday. I would say we are poised, at this point, to make this thing extend well into August! 

The Great Eat Down of 2017

This summer has been flying faster than a bald eagle hopped up on 'Merican spirit. I mean, seriously, breakneck speed. And you know what that leaves? No room. No room for planning. It's all been fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, go against with the flow, etc. I'm talking POOR EATING HABITS, people! I've eaten more hotdogs this summer than I would like to admit. Also: too many small grocery trips. Which, inevitably, leads to toooooooo much spending.

Now, with most of that stress in the rearview mirror, my husband and I have made the command decision to hit the breaks, slow down and initiate an eat down. What is an eat-down you ask? It's a term that comes to us from my mother's ex-boyfriend, Bob. He was always a thrifty kind of guy, and when he wanted to save a little extra he would say, "you know, an eat-down, where you eat down all the food in the house."

Now, because we have a child and are trying to REALLY stretch this sucker out, but also not starve her or make her eat things that are too super weird. So we are doing a planned eat down. It has steps.

Step 1)- MEAL PLAN 
Hell to the yes. The first thing to go when I am busy is my meal planning, but let me tell you something, meal planning FOR. THE. WIN. It saves money, time, and headaches. So I put together an epically long meal plan....14 meals, including two crockpot meals. Notice, the ones with the stars, which are vegetarian meals. We are trying to be a wee more meat conscious.

Step 2)- Grocery Shop with coupons and list. 

So with meal plan in hand, I went to the grocery and I shopped the list. It's hard not to buy impulsively, but it is a link in the chain of success with saving money. I had my coupons, I used them, and came in at just over $100. Then, for round two in shopping, I sent my husband to the BJ's Wholesale Club, and he finished it off with items like coffee, seltzer, and bulk bananas (because, toddlers.) We are all in for under $200. 

One important note here: we set aside an additional $20 for fresh produce. Less than half a mile down the road is East View Farms, a non-GMO farm that we love. And her stuff is VERY reasonably priced! So it will be our source of fresh, in-season vegetables during our eat-down to the tune of $20. 

Step 3)- Stick to the plan and then some... 

So we 14 planned meals, and then we will enter uncharted territory. But we are hoping to last at least 15 days without another store trip. I think maybe we can make it 20. This is the challenge. We want to save money, eat well, and stretch our creative minds to eat down all (or at least most) of the food in the house for as long as we can! 

You can play along with us at home! Follow our eat-down journey. We are starting tonight with beer can chicken, using my webber poetry roaster (on the grill!). Or maybe you have some advice/word of encouragement for us as we embark on this crazy journey? I'll keep you all updated on how we are doing. So here we go: LET THE EAT DOWN BEGIN! 

My Secret To "Time-Out" Success

I will put a troll in time out like a mo-fo.

My daughter recently turned three, and can I just say "DAMN. Three can be hard." Between her saying she is "scared" of everything, to just flat out bolting away from me in defiance, and a lovely array of other toddler behaviors (um, hey mom, I just trashed your plants!) sometimes I feel like I am living in someone else's version of a joke. Or maybe they call that "parenting a spirited child?" Whatever. It's obnoxious, but she's awfully cute and I'm attached.

Lately, I feel it is my societal duty to really crack down because at three years old, she's old enough to know what I am saying, and pretty capable of obeying the rules (most of the time), it just that she...doesn't? So we had to start really being sticklers. Pay now or pay later, amiright?

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am ALWAYS in awe of parents whose children stay in timeout. I tried to put The Bird in her room last year for bad behavior and she bested me by--get this--peeing on her bed.  Oh the horror. For me, time out just. Doesn't. Work. After some trial and error and changed bed sheets, I found something that works. You know what it is? Putting her TOYS in time-out.

REALLY.

I don't like to bribe her to do things...like help me clean up. And I don't have that much patience. So when I am trying to get her to do something, or I need her to understand the seriousness of something I am saying, and she's not listening, I simply say, "I'm going to count to three and if you don't do it, I'm going to put your toy in timeout." There is usually a toy somewhere near me (or in her hand) and them being in time out drives her up the wall.

And if she doesn't listen still? More toy time outs. Side note: I have never had to put more than one toy in time out, it's just a contingency plan.)

It's been a couple of weeks of using toy time out and cracking down on nonsense behavior and not listening, and I am happy to report that things are improving all the time. So, if time out doesn't work for you, either,  put your game face on, grab that toy and put it out of reach!! 

Reviving Puffy Sticker Packs

Is anyone else's kid obsessed with Melissa & Doug's Puffy Sticker Packs? I rave about them to everyone I know. Like, I literally told the guy in charge of ordering of the grocery store how awesome they were and could he please order *all the puffy sticker packs* and then I proceeded to chew his ear off about how my daughter, The Bird, once sat and played with one for two hours. TWO HOURS PEOPLE!!! 

I worship at the alter of anything that can hold my child's attention. Extra points if the item doesn't make noise, and isn't an iPad.  I love these sticker packs because they are non-messy, creative play that is essentially self contained. Five dollars buys me a few moments of peace and that is something that you just can't put a price on! (But if you were to put a price on it, five bucks isn't bad, right?) 

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but my kid loves to stick them on the scene provided, and then, like EVERYWHERE else. On the carpet. On the wall. On her legs. Which is cool. I'm not here to tell her how to play, but once that happens, they lose their "sticky." Or that's what I thought until my mother in law--in her infinite patience-- discovered how to revamp the sticky and it's SO EASY!

Simply take a damp paper towel and wipe the backs of the stickers. I use a little swirly motion and then, BAM, your kid can use them all over again!

You're welcome.


**THIS WAS NOT A PAID ENDORSEMENT. I genuinely love these things. 

Perspectives: Finding the Beauty in My Black

By Trinity L. Hall

“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.”- Marcus Garvey

I love being Black, however, that love didn’t always exist. When you grow up with as much melanin in your skin as I have, you notice early on that you are different and find that your skin complexion is often the butt of cruel jokes. The ‘you so Black’ puns and references to tar and charcoal became repetitive in my daily young life. To their credit, my parents attempted to reaffirm that I was beautiful, smart, and worthy. My dad would call me his doll baby, but I often wondered who would want to play with a doll that looked like me. Their attempts to shine light on the darkest parts of my conscience were rebuffed by the jokes and the heartache they brought.

My heartache was intensified by the fact that I was often one of few minorities in my classes. I got along great with my classmates and our interactions were positive and fun; however, I noticed that I was different and took that difference to have a negative connotation. Add to that the extreme lack of diversity in beauty magazines, books, and movies I enjoyed as an adolescent and it’s safe to say that I struggled with self-esteem issues. I felt less than, and that feeling was reinforced by society and its visual standards of beauty and worth. It was difficult to see my Black as being beautiful when everything around me stated otherwise. This was painful in and of itself, but include the accusations of “acting White” that were constantly hurled at me, and it became too much to bear.

People would often ask me why I was so different from my siblings. It was discouraging because my siblings were cool and popular, so naturally I wanted to be more like them, but wasn’t. I was often asked how I could be so dark yet “talk so White.” Questions like these highlighted my differences; too dark to be comfortable around my White peers and “acted too White” to be comfortable around my Black ones. I was never quite sure who I was or whom I was supposed to be. I assume most youngsters go through some version of this during adolescence, and can relate to the loneliness and despair it can have on a young mind. I thought of bleaching my skin, though never tried it for fear of the unknown. Instead, I prayed about it, which is what I was taught to do when faced with a situation too great to bear.

When I was 12, I began saying a nightly prayer in the bathroom mirror, “God, please make me a couple shades lighter by morning.” I prayed to be normal and not stand out so much. Obviously, He never granted those requests, He often doesn’t when I ask for something that I think I want,  but He has something better in store. Instead, He sent me on a journey. I was tired of being different, feeling alone and less than. I needed a lifestyle change. So when the time came to choose a college, I knew I wanted to attend a Historically Black College or University (HBCU).

My college choice shocked a lot of people, including my family. But I needed to be around people who I thought were more like me. I wanted to learn from them and their experiences. I wanted to know what it meant to be Black by studying not only the Black race but the Black culture, in hopes of ultimately discovering who I was. My new classmates were extremely diverse. Each class included people from all over the nation, as well as several different countries in Africa, the Caribbean, and Europe. Though we had much in common, our ways of thinking often differed. Our views were shaped by our life experiences and upbringings.

I had to learn to listen to the experiences of my peers who grew up in the northern inner cities, the southern states, and from other parts of the world. Some of their experiences were vastly different from my upbringing in the most rural part of the second smallest state. But we listened and learned from one another, even if we couldn’t relate or understand.  Some of my views developed as a result of those conversations. And while I may have still disagreed with others’ viewpoints, I continued to listen, never negating their beliefs or views, as that would be nullifying their personal truth. The campus was a safe space to hold open and honest conversations. These conversations challenged me to think beyond myself, but also helped me find my voice and speak my mind. As a result I gained confidence. I learned a great deal from my peers but also about myself and my culture. I received an education that went beyond the contents of a textbook.

My knowledge expanded beyond the ideological debates between Martin Luther King, Jr and Malcolm X, to include Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. Dubois. I studied the philosophies of Frederick Douglas and Marcus Garvey. I read works by Ms. Angela Davis and Mr. Huey Newton. I marveled at the courage and strength of Ms. Claudette Colvin, Ms. Rosa Parks, Ms. Mamie Till and Ms. Ruby Bridges. My knowledge about Black entrepreneurs, inventors, history-makers, and even my ancestry had significantly developed. I found that my culture was much too vast and great to be contained in a 28-day celebration. I gained an abundance of pride for my culture. My education ignited a passion and shed light on who I am.

I graduated with not just a degree but a deep and genuine appreciation of the Black race and culture. I know who I am and I love myself. I know my worth and am confident and secure enough to be the only person like me in a room. I no longer feel less than. I see my being different as a positive feature. I’ve embraced my dark skin, as it carries generations of persistence and greatness that deserves to be celebrated every time I look in a mirror. Am I ever discriminated against, stereotyped, or made fun of? Yes. But regardless of what others or society continue to believe, I know I am magical and that I rock. The journey He sent me on allowed me to find the beauty in my Black, and I am sincerely grateful He did not answer my earlier prayers. If you don’t understand or cannot relate, that’s okay, but don’t discredit my experience because it is different from your own. Instead, let’s have a conversation. 

Perspectives: Being Muslim in America Today

By Aisha Choudhri 

There is a lot going on in America right now, and I do not have the luxury to ignore it. I cannot simply change a channel, avoid a political conversation, or turn a blind eye to what has been happening around me for the last several months. I am a Muslim American who was born and raised in this country.  I grew up in Southern Delaware, and belonged to one of two Muslim families in my town. My family successfully established themselves in this country, and we effectively played our roles to advance society and our communities with our education and abilities. 

Even though I was only one of two Muslim kids who attended my high school (my sister was the other), I always felt like an important part of my school and group of friends. Sure, I voluntarily excluded myself from activities that went against my faith and beliefs, but that never made me feel like less of a member in my circle of friends. I never once felt out of place, or like someone who didn’t belong in this country. I never felt like someone whose contributions to this country were overshadowed by her faith, or her place of worship and choice of dress. That is, until now.

Based on what we witnessed during this presidential election, and the Islamophobic rhetoric that Donald Trump and his cabinet have normalized, anti-Muslim sentiment has reached an all time high in this country. The floodgates have been opened for people to express their hatred and bigotry toward Muslims openly. It has allowed me, and the entire Muslim community in America, to be demonized by a political regime and their followers of white supremacists, misogynists, and bigots. Muslims are constantly and consistently shown as somehow un-American because of our faith. It has made us feel extremely unsafe in a country that is supposed to protect our right to practice our religion freely.

Since the presidential campaign began, Muslims have been the target of numerous hate crimes, and the large majority of these have not even been covered in the media. The majority of Americans are probably unaware that a Trump supporting Christian man walked into a mosque and killed 6 Muslims while they were praying in Canada just two weeks ago. When we aren’t preoccupied defending our religion and condemning attacks that have nothing to do with our beliefs, we sit and grieve alone within our community. We grieve for the mosques that are burned down in the name of hate, or the child who gets bullied at school for his beliefs, or the woman who gets attacked because she chooses to wear a hijab. Yet, we must always defend ourselves. Defend our right to be here, live here, and worship here.  To feel like an outsider in a country you were born and raised in is not something that can easily be expressed. It’s a profound sadness combined with fury and frustration that often cannot be articulated.  It’s a poignant awareness we carry with us in our day to day lives.

Muslims are not the first group to endure this type of bigotry, and they certainly won’t be the last. Racism and bigotry are deep rooted evils in our country; evils we choose to ignore because they don’t fit our narrative of the great United States. As Americans, we flatter ourselves as citizens of a “land of liberty” where religious freedom is sacrosanct. Yet, the United States has a long history of religious bigotry towards different groups which have manifested in discriminatory laws, social practices, and criminal behavior aimed at different populations at various times in history. We are not unaware of the trials that those before us and those among us have endured; however, you do not truly realize the pain of this discrimination until you spend your entire adult life defending who you are and what you believe in.

It is hard to know how to position yourself in a country that can elect a man with such staggering ineptitude; who promotes and supports hate and instills fear against you and your religion. It makes you doubt whatever faith you had in the leadership of this country. The country where your children will grow up. You wonder what kind of hardships they will endure. Will all of this hatred, animosity, and bigotry just be a part of their daily lives? Will they find a way to keep their heads up, when on a day to day basis someone is trying to demonize them because of their religion, way of dressing, or way or worshipping?

But our fear will not paralyze us. With the hatred that has been directed towards us, there is also so much kindness and compassion that is being spread. There is growing social awareness, and nationwide protests are taking place to ensure that the people of this country are given their inalienable rights. We have been reminded again of what we stand for as a country, and by working together against those who try to take away our rights and values, we come out stronger and better.

During these challenging times, there are those who have stood shoulder to shoulder with the Muslim community, and that support means everything to us. It’s a beautiful thing to see that there are still many people who will fight alongside you and defend your right to practice your religion and live your life without discrimination and hate. Americans cannot let the ignorance of those in power define what our country should look like. Our resilience is renewed by our common pursuit of values along with equality for all. These principles are what make us a democracy to be proud of.

I have not lost hope in humanity thanks to the support, love and resistance of my fellow Americans, who stand with me and the Muslims of this country to fight bigotry, racism, and hatred.

From Glasgow, Scotland: Trump is a Pure Fanny

A snapshot from the protest in Glasgow, Scotland

By Rob Huggett 

If you ask anyone [from Scotland] their thoughts, their first reaction is usually a laugh or at least a smile. I mean, how could the U.S. have voted for THAT guy?! The guy from The Apprentice, the guy from Home Alone 2, the guy who looks like that--as president?! But then the initial smile fades, as if the realization of what has actually happened sinks in, and the conversation usually turns a little darker as we start to wonder what the hell is going to happen over the next four years. 

Throughout his campaign, and even after he won the election, there was always this expectation that he wouldn’t actually follow through on any of the policies he threw around. He wasn’t actually going to build a wall between the US and Mexico, he couldn’t just put a blanket ban on all Muslims entering the states, surely he wouldn’t put a stop to the so-called Obamacare. Once he got in office, his policies would become diluted, or conveniently forgotten about like so many other politicians before him. It’s a well worn path; promise the voters what they want to hear, get into office then give them a watered down version, just enough to keep them happy and not severe enough to upset too many of those who didn’t vote for you. 

With Trump, it now appears that he is actually going to go ahead with some of the most divisive, hate filled and frankly, racist policies that anyone has heard of for a long time. And not only that, but this is in America, the so-called land of the free. 

I heard that there was a planned protest in Glasgow, where I live, against Trump’s ban on Muslims entering the U.S. I walked down to the meeting point after work. At least 800 people all stood around as various speakers took to the mic to give their thoughts on Trump and his policies. Unfortunately, I was a little too far away I be able to hear what was being said clearly, but from all the signs and banners which were being waved around, they certainly were not being complementary about the new president. The atmosphere though was one of hope and positivity. People were cheered as they made their speeches and in typical Glasgow humour, someone had brought their dog along wearing a t-shirt with ‘I wouldn’t dump on Trump if he was on fire,’ written down the back. 

Of all the policies which Trump has promised, it is perhaps this ban and extreme vetting of Muslims which has struck a chord with the people of Glasgow the most. Glasgow has traditionally being the most left leaning and welcoming city in Scotland. There is a proud history of immigrants being made welcome here going back generations to Irish peasants fleeing poverty, Italian families at the end of the 19th century and many Hindu and Muslim families in the 1960s and 1970s. Glasgow was also one of the first cities in the UK to welcome refugees from war torn Syria last year. They even welcomed this Englishman with open arms eight years ago! There is a saying which has been coined by the local Council and tourism board which has been used extensively over the past few years to promote Glasgow as a place to visit; ‘People Make Glasgow’, and it is so true--all people. So when we hear how the new president wants to put a blanket ban on Muslims entering the country, then we get a little upset. 

Further afield, Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of the Labour Party, has issued a petition over the weekend calling on the Prime Minister to rescind the invitation she made to Trump last week and to deny him a state visit. At the time of writing there were over 1.5 million signatures and this was growing all the time. Although I want Donald Trump nowhere near this country, I would be a little uncomfortable with the hypocrisy of denying someone entry to the UK because of their own immigration policies. I say let him come over and let’s make it as uncomfortable for him as possible throughout his stay. Show him that it is not just the people of America who are unhappy with him. 

It is not all anti-Trump though over here, though. I was scrolling through Facebook earlier this evening and saw a Facebook Live post by the right wing ‘political’ party UKIP, which was asking whether or not we should welcome Trump to the UK. You may recall their leader Nigel Farage was paraded by Donald Trump at some of his rallies leading up to the election. Although I think Donald slightly exaggerated Farage’s standing in the UK political spectrum, (having failed on at least three occasions to be even voted as an MP for his own constituency.) Unsurprisingly, the vote was overwhelmingly in favour of allowing him to visit. What was most upsetting though was some of the comments on the page from people who clearly don’t see any problem with banning an entire group of people from entering the country because of their religious beliefs. “Wish he was in charge over here”, “Someone has to stand up to the Muslims”, “He is only saying it like it is” were some of the more legible comments. 

What this has shown me, though, is that there is still not only a huge gulf between those who are for and against Trump, but also that there are many, many thousands--maybe even millions--of people who think he is perfectly within his right to do some of the things that he is doing. They fail to see the racism, xenophobia, hatred, sexism and bigotry of what he is saying and see his policies as a legitimate way to solve a problem which doesn’t really exist. All the bombast and jingoism about how he can make America great again, echoes the rhetoric of Nigel Farage who talks about turning back the clock in the UK to a time when everything was great. And even though these are hollow and vague statements, it still manages to capture the beliefs of so many people that it cannot and should not be ignored. 

Going back to how I started this piece, I mentioned how there is always a hint of the absurd and comedy about this whole affair. People will joke about his hair, his permanently tanned features, his small hands, etc. And while I accept that comedy and politics go hand in hand, and he should rightly be ridiculed for some of the things he is saying and doing, this should not allow people to take their eyes off the fact that this guy is the president of the world’s only super power. This guy has the nuclear codes. This guy thinks climate change is made up. This guy believes that women are below him. This guy thinks that torture should be brought back. This guy thinks all Muslims are terrorists in waiting. And he is now in charge. 

So when I see protests like the one I attended tonight in Glasgow, and see coverage on the news of other cities in the UK doing the same, and I see the millions of people in America taking to the streets to make their voices heard, it gives me hope for the future. Keep it up America, we are with you all the way.

Why Religion & Science Are Compatible

Image Credit: The Odyssey Online 

Over the last several years, the relationship between religion and science has grown more adversarial. Lately it’s become especially polarized, and I’ve often pondered why. I was recently listening to talk by Manly P. Hall, wherein he talked about the relationship between Darwinism and creationism. Hall didn’t believe that science should be at war with religion—a sentiment echoed by the Catholic Church for many generations, and upheld by our current Pope. I cannot say that I have been particularly kind to religion in this regard, but the talk I listened to bent my ear in a new way…

In the forefront of my mind was global warming and how the scientific community has spoken at length about the realities facing our world. The time is ripe for us to do something about it. Global warming is a real danger to us, and I’m here to tell you—yes you!—Christian, Muslim, Jew, or Buddhist, or any other person for that matter: there is a philosophical basis for uniting the science of global warming with the religious ideals. They are not opposed. 

 If you are religious, global warming should be important to you. 

We are stewards of the earth as people, but also, or even especially as children of God. If we believe that God granted us this earth we should also be invested in taking care of it. If you believe that God makes miracles, what about you? Are we not ALL miracles in God’s eyes? Could it be that we the people we have waited for? If God gave us the ability to discover and reason through science, isn’t science, therefore, another form of divine intervention?

For some, it may be a radical suggestion. I know some people believe God will help save us from catastrophe (like global warming) but if He endowed us with our own answers and the ability to fix this ourselves, isn’t that the same thing? Wouldn’t that be His will as well? If you put your faith in God, doesn’t he also put his faith in you, and for that matter, our fellow men and women? And if that is the case, cannot we not put our faith in science meant to help the world?

Something my mother used to say to me when I was a child was, “Science can give us a lot of answers, but there are always mysteries.” Indeed, we live in a mysterious world, and the older I get, the more mysterious it seems. Hall speaks about how neither science nor religion can fully answer this question: how-- and more importantly WHY-- did we come to be as a human species? Both can speculate, and both can guess. But these are only hypotheses. Will there be such time when we can truly come to know our purpose as human beings (either through religion and/or science?) I don’t know. One thing that I know for certain is I hope my children and grandchildren are here to see it if indeed we ever can.

If we want the answers to our true purpose, we may have to survive a few more thousand years—and in order to do that, we may have to place our faith in one another. That is so say, perhaps religion and science only work when they are seen as two keys to the same door—one cannot fully realize itself without the other in that way that we can make intellectual decisions, but the heart accounts for a lot as well. Or, as my friend Derek Dutton says, "Science and religion are completely compatible, but mutually exclusive. Don't use religion to explain science and don't use science to deny religion."

Science doesn’t have to deny religion and religion doesn’t have to deny science. Maybe the best question we can ask ourselves is whether either one is ultimately bringing about benevolent outcomes. If I ask myself whether or not the things we could do to help our planet’s temperature regulate are good for humanity, I have to conclude, “yes.” And if that prolongs life here on earth, I have to assume that’s good for religion as well.

What do you think?

The Next Four Years {A Parenting Perspective in an Age of Political Upheaval}

When I heard that Donald Trump was going to be our President, I was not happy. In fact, I was devastated. One of the first things that went through my head, as I am sure it did for many of you who feel as I do, was "Gee, I hope the next four years go by really quickly." And then, that thought circled back and stabbed in me in the heart as I sat there, looking down at my daughter who is two and a half.

The truth is that I am not happy about our political climate. I am worried about the fact that approximately 27% of our country elected a man who 100% of us have to live with. There will be changes-- perhaps not all of them bad--but the way things are looking right now, it seems like we're in for a needlessly wild ride. Our institutions of democracy and decorum are under attack. Our press is being hogtied. And to top it off, our world representative is a thin-skinned tweeter-in-chief. The stage is set.

And yet, as worried and plausibly frightened as I am, I don't really want the next four years to fly by. I have one child. One beautiful, crazy, and very bright child, that I am having a lot of fun raising. I want to savor those moments and be able to enjoy them. I don't want to wish them away because once they are gone, they are only memories.

I know that we have to fight. I understand that it's going to be important to be abreast of the politics that are happening. But we also can't forget to LOVE. How we love is perhaps even more important than how we fight. I know that I've been a little here and there with my blog these days, but I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know what they can expect of me the next four years....

Expect some more good food. Listen, I know these past years I haven't cranked out as many recipes. But I have been cooking, I swear. I have been dairy free for a number of years now (due to lactose intolerance) and I am working on more Italian-American recipes that don't include cheese. It's been a little rough. But, when I am not coming up with new recipes on here, you can also see old posts that I will push out on my Facebook Page.

Expect more political posts. It's going to happen. I am invigorated in ways I never have been before, and I am going to need to talk about the way that effects me as a person, what we can do, and the ways in which I see the important lessons this brings up as a parent. HOWEVER, I promise to be KIND in the process. We all get fired up about this stuff, but we are all entitled to our beliefs. I intend to be accountable to this promise of remaining respectful and kind, and I hope you will too!

Expect the truth. I am truth teller. It don't care if we talking about my unabashed love of cheap sprinkle cheese or women's rights. I'm gonna be hitting you with the truth, no holds barred, no bullshit.

Expect joy! Listen, I don't care how bad things get, I have to live in a place of joy, and I hope that this is something that we can all do together. Don't surrender your happiness. Watch your babies grow and revel in it. Eat great food. Enjoy the company of others. Share IT! I say this (mostly) as a reminder to myself. I want to really embrace life, and not feel so addicted to the issues. There is a time for everything, even especially joy.

Expect action. I'm not going to exclusively be busy sitting behind my computer and telling y'all a bunch of rhetoric. I do hope the things I share will be useful, practical, and perhaps even thought-provoking. But for the love of god, I am sick of talk without the walk. I'm going on the ground in my community and helping in any way I can. Whether my friend has a baby and I bring her meals, or I working toward passing a referendum in the local school district--I'm getting in the game! Batter UP!

WHAT I ASK OF YOU: 

If you're steppin' in what I'm putting down, here is what I ask of you. Be passionate. Create your own guiding list like this (hell, share it with us, if you want to!) Engage in meaningful conversations with the people around you, especially if you have different opinions. Be respectful of others and when you interact online, be kind. Be thoughtful.

Send me topics you want to see discussed (especially if you think that your views might be different than mine!) Send me recipes you would like to see cooked. Tell me what is important to you! I want to know because as Malala says, "I tell my story not because it is unique, but because it's not, it is the story of many girls." We always share commonalities, whether we acknowledge it or not.

Let's Talk: Potty Charts

I swore that I would never be the type of parent who posted on social media when my daughter, The Bird, learned to use the bathroom. I kept that promise. And look, I get it, you're all proud and stuff, but just....no. But that doesn't mean that I didn't go through all the trials and tribulations of what parents go through when they are potty training. When your kid does finally get it, it almost feels like you wanna shout it from the rooftops (or Facebook, as it were in this digital age.)

Anyway, it took us several charts to get where we wanted to go, potty-wise. And you know, there are print outs, and suggestions, but at a certain point, I had to make up my own that worked for me and my kiddo. So, I wanted to share those charts with you and tell you a little bit about what worked and didn't work for us. We waited until after her second birthday to potty train, and I want to be clear that you've got to gage if your child is ready.

Here's what I have learned about potty training: FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION AS A PARENT.

Here's what I have learned about being a parent: FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION AS A PARENT. 

I know, I know. It's the age-old lesson we're constantly re-learning, but I'm serious. These charts I'm posting, this advice I'm doling, it's not the end all, be all. There's a lot of advice out there, but it doesn't always apply. All that being said, here's the charts and here's what worked for us!

First Chart, as you can see above, was super simple. 

What worked:

1) CHARACTERS. Oh mah gawd did characters motivate her. 

Characters on the chart, characters on the underpants. CHARACTERS, PEOPLE! 

We would say, "Hey you gotta keep Elmo dry." We really tipped the scales when we got Dorey underpants. Considering she's a fish, and we told our gal to keep her dry, you can tell that potty training is some looney business, but hey, whatever works. 

2) Fancy-ass stickers. Those jewels? Toddler crack. 

3) Prizes. We had physical prizes (lots of cheap figurines and toy cars) but what usually took the day was the ice cream prizes. And I know, some people are against food as prizes or rewards, but I'm not those people, so... 

Chart two, shown above got a little more sophisticated as we got deeper into potty training territory. 

What worked: 

1) Ditching pull ups all together (well, not during nap time and nighttime, but during the day). It was big girl undies all the way. Were there accidents? DUH. But you know what, kids like to succeed, so it was fewer than you might think. 

2) Poop was a prize every time for a while. (Yep, I just wrote that. Ugh.) Look, it must be said...kids will learn to pee in the potty long before they will be poop masters. So, just hang with it and bring wipes everywhere. 

3) Not being attached to a timeline. You guys, this chart was up a looooooong time. Because some areas took longer than others. We didn't apply pressure because you know, kids DO potty train eventually, but they have to be able to do it on their own developmental schedule. 

4) Talking up those prizes. We were shameless. 

Third (and final) chart. (Not pictured) We switched from Elmo to Daniel Tiger in the blink of an eye. But, you know, CHARACTERS. 

What worked: 

1) Half-way point markers. 

2) Taking prizes down to a bare-ass minimum. Earn it, kid! 

3) Changing the chart to fit out (new, ever-changing) needs. (i.e.- brush your teeth, dammit!)

4) Not pictured here: THE TRAVEL POTTY. Ermagerd, this thing is magic. It folds up and you can take it anywhere, from Grandma's house to the grocery store to the zoo. Hell, we took it on a trip to NYC with us! I highly recommend a travel potty to save everyone from a (pardon my french) shit storm. 

By the end of this chart, she wasn't as jazzed on the charts anymore, which I took as a sign that she really didn't need them any longer. Three charts, and probably about 2 months total and we were solid on the potty training.  Everyone will train in their own time, so you shouldn't use my kid as the measure. Some will be faster, and some slower. But overall, if you are looking for a graduated chart system and some tips, I hope you have found this helpful. If you have any tips or pictures of your own to share of charts that have been helpful, I hope you will share them here for others as well. 

Happy potty training everyone! Hahahahaha.